With his can-do attitude and custom made hat, our captain was literally made for this job. As the only member of the crew programmed to pilot the Fantastic Leap, if the captain cannot get us to our destination safely, no one can. It should not be a problem, as long as he is kept safe.
As the Fantastic Leap’s trusty navigator, Dave is especially adept at knowing where things go…a skill that comes in handy when reassembling all the parts that fall off the Captain.
With the Captain being the only crew member that’s able to pilot the Fantastic Leap, you may be wondering what the co-pilot does. So does Randy. His hobbies include eating pizza, eating worm dogs and drinking champagne. Don’t worry. To insure the safety of all of us on board, just keep giving him whatever he asks for. We will all be fine!
Someone has to keep this ship in tip-top shape and that someone is Greg. The stresses and fluctuating pressure of deep space travel can be enough to push any machine to its limits. And the ship sometimes needs maintenance too.
Steve is the head (and sole member) of the engineering department. Does he have a few blemishes on his record? Yes. Is he sometimes unreliable? Sure. Does he have weak elbow joints? Maybe. Was he mistakenly assigned to this position after a mix up at head office? Probably.
A master chef trained at a top culinary school. Jeff is always experimenting with flavors from all around the universe. His worm dogs are to die for, but the cube burgers and locust cake are pretty good too!
As a humble drink server, it’s easy to overlook Larry’s importance on a luxury cruise through a sea of a billion stars. Until you remember that each star is a ticking thermonuclear time bomb that could go off at any moment. There simply is no time to waste on not drinking.
As the head of sanitation, Tom knows how important it is to keep things in order. For instance, one should definitely tend to the dinner tables and food trays BEFORE you clean the toilets and floors. But don’t worry, we think he’s got it down now.
Ah, Red. He is the ships window cleaner! In the Welcome Hall, one of our finest premium backer areas, he cleans the dome ever few hours to keep it unobstructed by space bugs, goo or any unsightly nuts and bolts! Oddly enough, he hasn’t been seen in ages, but we are sure he is just on an extended spacewalk…